


One Day at a Time

by asherly89



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Possibly Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29645505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asherly89/pseuds/asherly89
Summary: Tumblr prompt: Buck has a problem with substance abuse, like TK in Lone Star except less managed, and it's beginning to affect his work.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Original Male Character(s), Evan "Buck' Buckley & Eddie Diaz
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	One Day at a Time

**Author's Note:**

> There is no buddie in this one, sorry. It took me a while to write this because I wasn't sure if I could. But I did. Some of this is probably not all true about NA/AA meetings but I tried my best.

It starts off slow. Buck gets injured on the job, because when doesn’t he? The doctor prescribes Vicodin for pain management and it snowballs. The injury heals, but Buck doesn’t. He still gets phantom pains and asks his doctor for a refill. The doctor asks questions but refills it for another two weeks.

It’s not enough, and Buck starts going to other doctors, never the same once twice to say he needs pain meds. He’ll give them mostly truthful answers without sounding like he’s drug seeking. Because he’s not. He just got hurt on the job and he needs to get through his shifts. He never takes more than needed. A pill or two a day to keep the pain at bay.

But it’s never enough. He starts taking more pills a day. Two becomes three, three becomes four and so on. He takes him every time his back hurts, or his shoulders hurt from holding the hose. He has a pill bottle in his locker, one in his bag, and another at home. Just so he’s covered should the pain become too hard to manage.

One day Chimney jokes that Buck should see a doctor if he’s still hurting from his injury a few weeks prior but Buck shakes it off saying it’s nothing. He starts to be more discreet after that.

But taking more and more pills starts to take their effect on him. Mood swings that he tries to hide. He’s starting to feel sleepier, or other times happier and more relaxed. At dinner when the others joke he laughs a little too loud making them turn to look at him. He blushes and just says he might need to take a nap between calls because the shift is getting to him.

Buck passes out on the couch after dinner and almost misses the alarm going off. He shakes his head but his limbs feel heavy. He doesn’t know how he got into the truck. One minute he’s waking up to the alarm blaring that there’s been a car accident and the next he’s in the truck, sitting next to Eddie.

“You okay?” Eddie asks him.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good,” Buck replies.

“You seem...off. You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. I think I’m still a little sleepy from my nap,” Buck says, “I’ll be fine once we get to the scene.”

Buck is somewhat okay when they arrive. He has enough sense to listen to Bobby and do as he’s told. He helps with getting the victims out of their cars. One of the cars is leaking fluid so they have to act fast. He and Chimney grab the last victim before the car goes up in flames.

One of the other members of the team comes in and sprays the hose on the car and Buck can’t help but watch. He doesn’t know what it is, but the spray of the water on the fire looks so pretty.

“Buck...Buck!” a voice calls out and Buck turns away from watching the water and fire.

“Yeah?” Buck says turning to see Bobby standing behind him.

“I asked you to go help Eddie, what are you doing still standing here?”

“Oh, uh...sorry I’ll just, uh, yeah I’ll just go find Eddie,” Buck says and starts to walk off but Bobby stops him and turns him the other direction.

“He’s over by the office building,” Bobby says. Buck doesn’t say anything else and if Bobby watches him he doesn’t turn back to find out.

* * *

The pills start to become a thing. One before breakfast, one before lunch, two in the afternoon, maybe one or two after dinner if he needs it and one more for bedtime. It’s planned out and depending on work he’ll take more.

Once the doctors start questioning him more, Buck starts going to the streets. He finds a guy who’s a friend of a friend of a friend. The guy delivers straight to his house or if Buck is out he can drop by his house to grab a bottle of pills. The supply never runs out and the guy is nice enough to give Buck a discount since he’s a regular.

One day when he’s at work he goes to grab a pill from his locker and sees there’s none left. He frowns because he knows the bottle was full a couple of days ago. Thankfully he always has a back up bottle of pills in his bag. The bottle in his bag has only one pill in it. Which isn’t so bad, but he’s only halfway through his shift and he knows he’ll need at least two more to make it through the rest of his shift.

He grabs his car keys to check if he’s got an extra bottle of pills there. He usually has an emergency stash in the glove compartment for times like these. But he’s out there as well. He sighs in frustration. Going back into the station he drops his keys off in his locker before slamming it shut and hitting his head against it a few times.

“You doing okay, Buck?” Hen’s voice comes through the locker room.

“I’m fine,” he replies through clenched teeth. Right now is not the time to chit chat. He needs to find a way to get a bottle of pills or he won’t make it through the rest of this shift. 

“You sure? If you want to talk I’m here,” Hen says back.

Buck turns to look at her, “I said I’m fine. Leave me alone.”

Hen’s taken aback by the slight anger in his voice, “Ok...I’m here if you want to talk though.”

Buck waves her off and leaves the locker room. He moves into one of the bunk rooms and texts his dealer to see if there’s a way the guy can drop a bottle off at the station without people questioning it. His dealer agrees and says he’ll be there in an hour and that he’ll text him when he’s close.

Buck hopes they’re not on call when his dealer comes by.

* * *

They do get called out when Buck’s dealer was supposed to come by. Buck sends him a text that he’s out on a call and he’ll text when they’re back at the station. His dealer isn’t happy but says Buck can make it up to him by paying extra. Buck agrees without thinking.

Buck’s slow on his feet once they get to the house fire. He’s put on hose duty and just getting the hose off the rig is a lot for him. He wishes he had a pill to help him through. If he wasn’t in so much pain from his last pill wearing off he’d be quicker, better, stronger.

Bobby yells at him to get moving and Buck grinds his teeth. He wants to yell back but knows he should just keep his mouth shut rather than say something that’ll get him written up.

Thankfully the fire is contained to one side of the house and everyone is safe and accounted for. The team cleans up the hoses, medical equipment and takes one person to the hospital. Buck sighs with relief when they’re finally back at the station. He texts his dealer that he’s available and he gets a reply back saying he should be outside in 20 minutes.

Buck watches the clock tick by. Time seems to go by slowly. At one point Buck thinks the clock has stopped and he has to check his phone to make sure he’s wrong. He is. He actually has a text from 5 minutes prior saying his dealer was outside.

Buck moves down the stairs quickly and out to the front of the station. His dealer is there, pizza box in hand.

“Yo, Buck, nice to see you finally made it. Thought you might have bailed,” his dealer says.

“You brought me pizza?” Buck asks.

“A special pizza,” his dealer replies, “Which you owe me for.”

Buck sighs, “how much?”

His dealer pretends to calculate the figures before saying the price and Buck sighs again but pays him the amount and then some since he was nice enough to come to the station.

“Thanks man,” Buck says and takes the pizza from the dealer.

“Any time man, see you soon,” the dealer says and gets back into his car before Buck can say a goodbye. Buck watches him drive off.

He opens the box to find an actual pizza and a bottle of pills. He grabs the pills and pockets them before going up the stairs with the pizza and making up a lame story about how he got it. Everyone is thankful for the food and doesn’t question it. If Buck slips out and disappears for a while no one says anything.

* * *

Buck’s luck runs out when Eddie comes over one night, unannounced, and Buck and his dealer are snorting crushed pills.

“Are you doing?” Eddie questions coming into the living room.

“Just having a little fun,” Buck replies, “You want some?”

“You’re doing drugs?” Eddie presses on, “Really Buck?”

“Just something to help with the pain,” Buck replies back.

“I should go,” his dealer says and he starts putting things away. Eddie watches the man leave and Buck calls out that he’ll call him later.

“You’re not going to call him, what’s the matter with you?” Eddie says.

“There’s nothing wrong,” Buck retorts, “I’m just having a little fun.”

“Snorting drugs is your way of having fun?”

“What like you’ve never done it?”

Eddie shakes his head, “I haven’t. And neither should you. Not after everything.”

“Come on, it’s harmless,” Buck says.

“It’s not harmless. This shit is addicting,” Eddie says back.

“I’m not addicted,” Buck quickly replies, “I just wanted to blow off some steam. Work’s been crazy lately.”

Eddie shakes his head, “I should’ve known.”

“What?”

“You were an addict. All the signs were there,” Eddie replies. He’s talking more to himself than Buck, “The sleepiness, mood swings, the pill bottle in your locker...”

“I’m not an addict!” Buck yells, “I have a prescription for those pills!”

“For what?” Eddie yells back.

“I got injured, remember?”

“That was months ago! You should’ve been finished with the pill by now,” Eddie says.

“I still have some pain,” Buck lamely replies.

“Then you should talk to a doctor, not self medicate,” Eddie says, “Buck, you know this! We deal with drug overdoses all the time.”

“I’m not addicted,” Buck reiterates, “I’ll stop.”

Eddie sighs, “Get help, Buck. If you want I can help you. Get you in a rehab...or to meetings. Find someone for you to talk to.”

Buck shakes his head, “I can do it myself. I don’t need you fixing all my problems.”

“I’m not trying to fix them, I’m trying to give you the help you need,” Eddie says, “My cousin, God, he was so far gone and no one saw it. No one said anything. My family...they didn’t say anything until it was too late. He died from an overdose. Barely 21 and died from swallowing too many pills.”

“Eddie,” Buck says and moves over to his friend, “I’m fine. I’ll find someone to talk to. I’ll stop. I promise.”

* * *

Buck keeps his promise but the withdrawal sucks. He’s cold, then too hot. He can’t sleep and when he does it’s only for small fits then he’d up shivering again. He goes to work and a couple people comment on the too dark circles around his eyes but he waves it off saying he had a late night.

But Eddie knows. Eddie is always there with a look and Buck...he can’t look Eddie in the eye. He’s ashamed.

Two weeks in and Buck can’t deal with it anymore. He thought withdrawal would’ve been over by now but it’s not. It’s late and he hasn’t slept in two days. He’s got a 48 hour shift coming up and if he’s going to survive he’s going to need something to help him through.

Looking down at his phone he opens up his text thread for his dealer. It’s been quiet after the night that Eddie caught them. Buck hasn’t tried to contact him and he hasn’t tried to contact Buck.

Buck sends a quick text to see where he’s at. If he’s at home, Buck will happily drive there to get a few pills, just to tie him over. After that no more.

Buck’s in luck that his dealer is home and Buck can come over. Buck is excited and can’t wait to get the pills. The first pill goes down easily. Buck knows it takes time for the pill to take effect but his mood is already happier than it’s been since he stopped.

When he gets home, Buck crashes and sleeps through his alarm.

Buck wakes to his door slamming open and rushed feet coming the stairs to his bed.

“Buck?” the voice comes and he rubs his eyes to see the team standing there. Hen and Chim with their medical supplies, Eddie with his keys in hand, and Bobby close enough to the bed that he can shake Buck.

“What are you doing here?” Buck asks. He reaches for his phone which was still blasting his alarm and turns it off. He sighs and turns his head back to the team.

“We were worried when you didn’t show up for work,” Bobby says, “Eddie told me what’s been going on.”

Buck looks at Eddie with fire in his eyes. Bobby continues, “I think you and I need to have a talk.”

“I’m fine,” Buck says. He sits up and swings his legs over the side of his bed, “Sorry I made you worry. I’ll go take a shower then meet you at the station.”

“We’ll drive you back,” Bobby says, “We’re going to have a one on one when we get back.”

Buck scoffs but doesn’t argue. He leaves the team standing there as he goes into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Buck has half a mind to not go to the station and talk to Bobby but he doesn’t want to be pulled from his job...again, so he sucks it up and goes with the rest of the team in the truck back to the station. Bobby doesn’t let him change into his uniform before they talk. He pulls his by the arm into this office and closes the door behind them.

“Sit,” Bobby says as he moves around his desk and takes a seat in his desk chair.

“Bobby I can-”

“Don’t,” Bobby says, stopping Buck from talking, “You’re off duty effective immediately. No arguing. You need to get help. Be it in patient rehab, meetings, a therapist, but you cannot work while you’re strung out.”

Buck tries to argue but Bobby stops him, “Buck, Evan, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You’ve seen it first hand. The calls we’ve been on because someone OD at a party or took one too many pills because of a back ache. I don’t want to get the call that you’re one of them.”

“Bobby, please...I’ll stop. I promise. But I need to work,” Buck lamely tries to reason.

Bobby sighs, “Buck I can’t let you back on the job until I see some progress. That you’re taking the steps in order to be sober.”

Buck hangs his head in defeat.

* * *

A week after talking with Bobby, which turned into Maddie coming over and crying about her being a bad sister for not noticing and Buck telling her it’s not her fault, Buck still hasn’t tried to find a rehab to go to. He doesn’t want to go. Doesn’t think he has too. The last time he took a pill was the night before the team found him still in bed, passed out. 

The withdrawal had been kicking his butt. He’s gone from barely sleeping to sleeping almost all day. He doesn’t know time anymore. Just gets up to pee, eat, and go back to bed. He knows this can’t last though. Bobby told him to get real help or he can’t work again. He can’t lose his job. Not after finally feeling like he’s found a place he belongs. He’s been through it once already and this time he can’t sue the department for his job back. (Not that he wants to sue them. Suing them the first time was a mistake.)

He grabs his laptop off the coffee table and looks up NA meetings in the area. It’s late, past midnight, but he’s found one that starts in an hour that's downtown. He rushes through a shower and to his car. There’s no traffic this late at night so he makes it there quickly. He’s got 15 minutes to spare.

He spends those 15 minutes sitting in his car. No one comes in or out of the building and he almost decides to go home, but something is pulling him in.

He walks into the building and sees the light coming from a room down the hall. He walks to the room and enters to find chairs set up in rows, a table in the back with coffee and some pastries, and a coupe of people sitting down.

“Welcome everyone,” says the guy in front of the room, “My name is Brian and I’m an addict.”

“Hi Brian,” the couple of people who are there say.

“We open the meeting with a moment of silence for the addicts who are still suffering.”

Buck watches as the few people are quiet, one even bows his head.

“Let’s begin,” Brian says after a moment.

Buck listens to Brian talk, then a guy gets up and starts talking about his week. Buck sits in the back and listens to the others talk about their weekly struggles and triumphs and how it’s been for them since they got clean. The last person to talk is given their 3 month sobriety chip. He thanks the others for listening and being there for him and thanks Brian for being there to talk to when it was hard.

At the end Brian has them quote the serenity prayer before releasing them into the night. Buck gets up from his seat and goes to leave, but Brian’s voice calls out for him to wait.

Buck wants to run, but his feet won’t move and soon a hand is touching his shoulder and he’s being turned around to face the man who called for him.

“Hey,” Brian says, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t.”

“Sorry, right...um, anyway I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Brian. I run this meeting every Tuesday and Thursday. It’s not every night we get someone new so I wanted to see if you wanted to talk.”

Buck shrugs, “I just wanted to check it out.”

“You coming here is a big step,” Brian says, “I’m glad you did.”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Buck confesses.

“Do what?”

“This,” Buck waves his hands around, “go to meetings, talk to people about my problems.”

“You can take it one step at a time. What brought you here tonight?”

“I want my job back.”

“Did you get fired?”

“No,” Buck answers, “I’ve been pulled until further notice. I’m a firefighter and my captain found out I’ve been taking drugs, but it’s only for an injury that I got on the job. But I missed my shift a few days ago and my best friend told him I was abusing drugs, which I’m not. I’m only taking them for the pain.”

Brian nods, “How often do you take them?”

“A few a day,” Buck admits.

“And what happens if you don’t?”

“The pain returns, so I can’t get off them. But I’m trying. Withdrawal has been kicking my ass.”

“I know. I’ve been sober for 10 years and I still have moments where I want to take a pill, just one, but if I do I know I’ll want more so I have to distract myself, think of everything I’ve done to get where I am today. All the good things I’ve accomplished since I got sober,” Brian explains, “It’s not easy and just coming to the meeting today is a big step. I’m proud of you.”

Buck gives him a small smile, “Thanks.”

“Do you want to go grab a coffee or something? I know it’s late but Denny’s is open 24 hours and a late night snack isn’t bad after a meeting,” Brian suggests.

“Sure.”

* * *

Buck goes to the late night meetings and listens to the few guys that show up. He doesn’t tell his story just yet, but he and Brian have been talking after meetings and Buck has texted him during the day wanting to talk and ask questions. Brian is welcoming and helps Buck through it. Buck’s sleep schedule is still messed up but once he starts to regulate his sleep a little better and he finds a meeting during the day. There’s more people there so it’s easy to blend in. He listens to their stories, some similar while others aren’t.

It makes him feel less alone.

Bobby checks in with him, to ask about his progress. Buck tells him he’s attending meetings and Bobby tells him he’s proud. Buck can’t help but get a little warm from that. He knows about Bobby and how he is a recovering addict and how he slipped but he didn’t let that get him down and he picked himself up and started over on day one. Bobby lets him know he’s there if he wants to talk, and Buck nods saying he knows.

Buck’s dealer texts him a few times wondering if Buck wants some more pills or to come party, but Buck doesn’t reply. He deletes the text thread and blocks the number.

Each day is getting better and better.

Eddie comes over, sans Christopher, to talk to him. Buck is ashamed and doesn’t want to talk about it, so Eddie doesn’t push but tells him he’s there for him. They end up playing video games and Eddie beats him, hard, in Mario Kart.

Chimney and Maddie come over, sometimes together, other times alone. Maddie asks him a ton of questions and tells him she’s sorry for not being there for him. He tells her it’s not her fault and that he didn’t want anyone to know. That he was hiding it and didn’t think he was an addict. Chimney is surprisingly chill. He doesn’t ask too many questions, but just tells Buck he’s there if he needs to talk. That seems to be everyone’s default “I’m here if you want to talk.”

It’s Hen that Buck opens up to. Her calming, motherly presence sends Buck on a 45 minute monologue about everything. She listens and hugs him when it’s over and tells him she’s happy for him. That he’s going to be okay and to take it one day at a time.

It takes three months before Bobby lets him back. Buck has to start on light duty first, not going on calls, show proof he’s attending meetings, everything to show Bobby that he’s ready. Buck agrees because he knows it could be worse. He could be jobless, without a place to call home, even dead.

He does what he’s told. He learns to cook so when they get back from calls there’s food ready for them. Bobby tells him he’s happy there’s another chef around Buck comments they should have a cook off sometime.

At meetings Buck opens up. Talks about himself a little. Nothing about his past, but how he got addicted. How Eddie found him snorting with his dealer. It’s hard but it does help. He makes a few friends and they start going out after meetings. He asks Brian to be his sponsor and Brian agrees. They meet up once a week to have one on one time. Buck goes to the late night meetings, when he can. His first 30 day sober chip was given to him there.

Bobby only has him on light duty a month before letting him back on calls. He jokes that he’s going to miss a meal being on the table when they get back, but Buck says he’ll still cook for them.

6 months sober, he gets his chip at the meeting where it all began. It’s still only him, Brian, a couple of the regulars. He’s gotten to know them some and they congratulate him when he hits the half year mark.

When Buck gets to the station the next day there’s a cake that says “Happy 6 months” on it. He can’t believe it. Bobby makes a speech and the others pat him on the back and tell him they’re proud as well.

Eddie pulls him aside. He hugs Buck tight and whispers in his ear, “So proud of you.”

It makes Buck blush. The feeling of Eddie hugging him has always done that, but the whisper in his ear makes it feel like more.

“Thank you,” Buck replies.

“You’ve come a long way,” Eddie says, pulling back.

“I take it one day at a time,” Buck replies.

“One day at a time,” Eddie repeats.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are looking for help call (US) 1-800-662-4357 or check out: www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
> 
> If you want to talk to me you can find me at my tumblr: [shameless-aquarius](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/shameless-aquarius)


End file.
